zaterdag 8 januari 2011

Macintosh conspiracy?

Yesterday I was patrolling the lovely streets of my good old hometown when I came across an odd creature. He was wearing an old army trench coat and had a worn off pair of jeans on. His shoes looked like moonboots and he had these demented silvery gloves on his hand. He jumped about like an idiot, which completed the 'out of this world' look his clothes alone had already given me. As I shyly gazed at his face I noticed he had this utter look of madness in his eyes, which scared the dead shit out of me, so I quickly tried to get away from him. In passing him however he was able to slip a conspiracy note into my hands. I wanted to throw the thing away at first, but on closer inspection I found some things on it were, well, quite interesting. Basically, the note warns us for the human devil that will bring chaos to the world in this unholy year (MMXI). I will have put the integral text below for you, the loyal and somewhat weirdness prone reader of my Bie-log.

BEWARE OF THE MACINTOSH! IT HAS BEEN FORETOLD THAT THE EVIL ONE WOULD COME TO EARTH IN THE UNHOLY YEAR OF 1984, LINGERING FOR 17 YEARS ON THIS EARTH BEFORE SETLLING AND ESTABLISHING A KINGDOM OF DOOM! We can find proof of this throughout the holy texts of the ancients.

The bible (yeahsayer 12, 7):

"And they sayeth the evil one will cometh forth after the advent and rise of a man pursuing on his quest by a horseless horse, just propelled by two wheels and he willeth look silly and they will calleth him JOBUS andeth his carriage will be nameth SEGUWAI."

The Qur'an (Sura of the Apple)

"Many of them during that time dined from the Apples of the grandson of Abdallah, but the Seal was not pleased with this. It came during a nightly sand blizzard and forebode them to eat of the Apple. Musa, however, resisted the Seal's holy demands and bit from the Apple of the city known as Makh-Ibn Town. A voice came out of the heaven: "Be forwarned, Musa, I forbade you to eat but you ate. Now you and your kin will spend their lives sitting in damp rooms and thinking about imaginary worlds!" It is said that after this curse Musa made a contract with Iblis, the unhumble Djin."

The Epic of Gilgamesh (CH 6,5):

"And after the slaying of Google-anna, Gilgamesh and Enkidu encountered a path, most strangely shaped. And the voice of Ishtar came from heaven, exclaiming: "Because you denied me, Gilgamesh, you can only take this one path, known to mortal man as the I-PATH. Following it you will have to journey deep into the underword and suffer many hardships." And so it happened, and Enkidu cursed the earth, and was not allowed in this world anymore."

The Lalitavistara Sutra:

"Around that time Sakyamuni was temporarily blinded by the evil eye of Mara the tempter and in the darkness he had a vision. He saw a white square, not much bigger than a breastplate, and it opened in the middle thus doubling its' size and out of it shone a radiant light. And the voice of Mara said: "Heed this object. Touch it, for I will give you the unlimited power, the power as only the ancient Maya-toshi has had in ancient times." But Sakyamuni saw the hidden darkness and the straying from the path, and no transient glory did he touch. The evil vanished before his eyes, and the true jewel of Masa Dosa lingered, unsurpassed in both beauty and frugal practicality."

Pietje Puk en de grote gemene Informaticus (English version was not yet included, sorry people):

"Pietje was niet erg blij met zijn nieuwe I-pod. Het ding blokkeerde de hele tijd en het probeerde zich ook de hele tijd te synchroniseren met de nummers op zijn PC, wat Pietje helemaal niet wilde. "Maar", zei Pietje Puk, "Misschien kan ik naar de techsupport bellen." Pietje Puk belde naar de techsupport, maar er nam niemand op. "Dat is vreemd!", riep Pietje Puk,"ze zullen daar toch niet ALLEMAAL aan het vogelen zijn." Maar even later werd er gebeld en wie anders dan Steve, de grootste baas van de wereld zelf stond voor de deur! "Hoy, ben jij Pietje Puk?", vroeg hij een tikkeltje innemend. "Ja", zei Pietje Puk,"Ik ben Pietje Puk." "Neem dit schoft!", schreeuwde Steve plots en hij haalde keihard uit met zijn vuist, recht op de smoel van Pietje Puk. Pietje Puk viel op de grond, zo recht roefel naar beneden, en Steve maakte ervan gebruik om over zijn hoofd te urineren. Dat was niet lief!"

1 opmerking:

Anoniem zei

Il semble que vous soyez un expert dans ce domaine, vos remarques sont tres interessantes, merci.

- Daniel