maandag 5 november 2012

Review of “The Egg of time”: “how mindlesness didn’t change my life, but made it a heck of a lot better, anyway”.

My Mindlesness book “The Egg of time” has gotten the following positive review from an (otherwise very sceptical) follower of THE DOCTRINE  OF MINDLESNESS EVANESCES REFUTATION IN KNOWLEDGE (DOMERIK). -Doktoor Frank D'hanis (Phdt).

“Through the mystic and potentially harmful properties of sniffing Velpon patented extra strong glue I met my inner Unicorn. Turns out his name is Bobby and he likes to listen to old AC/DC records. He has a job working for the national Belgian post office in The Hague, Holland and he has a twin daughter named Cassandra (just the one). His hobbies are twisting reality and shooting C-list television celebrities in the face. From the moment I first shouted at him in a very loud and very rude manner in the  “Den Nopri” supermarket in Hamme back in 1978 it was obvious that our relationship would develop itself into one of utter strapless portable bullshit. I discovered my inner unicorn and all of a sudden I found myself surrounded by naked women and by the big success that I had always been dreaming about. I also started up my business as a carrot peddler of sort, and soon became very notorious for ramming infants in the eye with young, still kind of greenish carrots. Mothers detested me, kids feared me and nobody really liked me, and as I sat utterly psychotic and crazy on my tree trunk I knew the truth: finally I had achieved happiness. YOU CAN ALSO VERY EASILY ACHIEVE HAPPINESS AND I EVEN WILL VENTURE TO HELP YOU. I first discovered sniffing glue as a byproduct of my studies in eastern languages. In the Ayurvedic Veda’s it is already written.

“Mind the egg of time, lolcatz, and crazy bitches will be yours. Be a horse, and all you will eat is grass and oatmeal. But dare to be the Tassadar, and you will feast on the simple rays of light of one thousand and twenty souls and you will transmigrate to nice suburban neighbourhood with good schools and a pervert free community school.”  

And let us continue with the writings of the Taoist Zhuangzi, in the chapter “under heaven” about the famous logician Hui shi:


Which is to be translated as (according to the scholar James Legge).

Hui Shi by such sayings as these made himself very conspicuous throughout the kingdom, and was considered an able debater. All other debaters vied with one another and delighted in similar exhibitions. (They would say), 'There are feathers in an egg.'”

Doesn’t this mean that the egg of time itself considers time to be unimportant because ALL is already contained in its divine presence? Doesn’t this mean we have to reach into our own mailbox, to find the letters of the divine? Doesn’t this mean that I am the unicorn and the unicorn is me?
Paradoxically, however ancient these questions may be, once you answer them, you stumble back into the very modern practices of mindfulness as thought by Doktoor Frank D’hanis Esq, der Paraklet. Here are some very practical extracts from the Egg of time, which will help you achieve that which shouldn’t be sought after very actively.

1     1.   When tired, get some rest. You are a god, but even the lord Alfred Jahweh of bar “het hoekske” had to rest at certain points in his existence.
2     2.  When you have to get wet anyway, why not turn it into a shower? If you have to take a shit, take the opportunity to get to know your inner bowels, as well as your outer ones.
3      3. Salt is evil. Stay away from salt.
4      4. The Oprah Winfrey book club may be a tad misguided at times, but if you’re looking for a compelling read that will blow your mind, chances are there’s something on her list that you will like. It is like this with all things in life. We have to separate the practical from the emotional. For example: it’s not because you don’t like Mussolini that you can’t adore his feathery hat. Live for the hat, not for the bearer of the hat.
5     5. If you ever visit Antwerp, look for Tom Barman. Burn down the Kathedraal, het is toch een lelijk gebouw. And the stadsfeestzaal is pretty cosy, so check it out.

It is with such seemingly self-evident practical wisdom that der Paraklet Prof. D’hanis makes us reach for our inside animal and helps us to pull it out so that we can use it where we need it. The “Egg of time” offers his full theoretical weltanschauung, supplemented with all the practical wisdom that one needs in the course of one’s life. This makes the book a must read, even if you are not yet a believer.

I leave you with the prophet’s own words:
Toiru ni ikitai dakara
Jikan ga nai ga,
Sekusina onna da,
To omoimasu.
Over and out.                           Review by T_Baneling_1995_T”